I laughed my head off on Saturday when I read that one of Labour’s seatwarmers wrote on a blog:
“2010 is the year of the Tiger.  It is a sign of courage and a fearless and fiery fighter.  I bet that means us.”
She obviously hadn’t kept up with the news about Tigers last week.  What do seals, and Tiger Woods, have in common? They both get clubbed by Scandinavians.
It got so bad that my son said to me “Daddy, they said on the news Tiger’s doing well after a car crash......but are Pooh Bear, Eeyore and Piglet OK?”
OK, enough of the much-raked over coals of another top sportsman’s dalliances.  I’ve often thought one would have to be completely stupid to try and have an affair when one has a profile higher than that of Jesus.
It seems that no matter how discreet, there’s always a human desire to let the cat out of the bag.
I recall a conversation between a flatmate and one of her friends many years ago:  
“How was your night?”
“Gooooooooodddd…” (drawn out vowels are apparently a dead giveaway)
“What do you mean?  What happened?”
“You won’t believe who I scored last night…” and on it went for some time.  I was amazed, not because the sportsman in question was a serial shagger, but because he picked this particular person.  Still, there’s a Jack for every Jill…or he was really drunk…anyway, she couldn’t wait for him to leave so she could tell the whole world.
It’s not just sportsmen, either.  I was coming home from an early morning run once when a well-known sportswoman was leaving the flat next door.  The lads who lived there couldn’t wait to come over and tell us about their visitor.  Once again, the vicarious nature of the event made for human interest, but I couldn’t quite get my head around the why.
Why, other than the good old animal desire for copulation (particularly after donning the beer goggles – proven through academic research) would a top sportsperson risk their reputation and in Tiger’s case, his marriage?
Sex and sport is a subject that has troubled the minds of many a researcher.  Ten years ago, researchers in Italy (the home of l’amore, if the myths are to be believed) found that sex makes men more aggressive, improving their performance on the sportsfield.
The quote from the researchers that made me laugh out loud was “If a man has sexual intercourse, testosterone causes him to desire the next sexual intercourse.”
That could explain why so many footballers go through patches without scoring (on the field).  They’re thinking about where their next conquest is going to come from.  
This could have great possibilities for the Phoenix.  All they need to do is load up the seats behind their goal with attractive women (and/or men, depending on who they are playing) and watch the testosterone-fuelled opposition strikers suddenly go all weak at the knees.
At the other end of the scale, GQ magazine found 20% of American blokes turned down the offer of sex to watch sports on TV.  While we have known for some time that Americans are odd, did they not realize that if they mute the sound, they can be like Australians and do both at the same time?
It has been noted, however, that out of the latest sex scandal to hit sports, the biggest worry lies with Gillette.  After Thierry Henry’s cheating for France against Ireland, and Woods’ car crash and sex drama, what’s Roger Federer going to come up with?  Machine-gunning a kindergarten?