Wallywood
21/04/2010 12:59:00 p.m.
THE nine letters of W.E.L.L.Y.W.O.O.D. spell the end.
Of what? Of any claim we ever had to being a centre of originality and creativity.
Wellington Airport wants to plonk the 3.5-metre-high letters on the front of that gorse-covered bank you have to drive past to get into Miramar. That bank has always been the most brain-dead bit of landscape in the lower North Island, admittedly, but to naively clone the hallowed signage of Tinseltown is the act of gormless, straw-chewing inbreds.
Not to mention cultural theft. Like everyone else round here, I’ve enjoyed the verbal joke of the term “Wellywood”. But that’s all it is. A joke. But turning it into a huge sign that everyone has to read, and poor old Miramartyrs will have to live behind, is no joke: it’s a farce. It’ll make the locals feel like trailer-trash extras in someone else’s film.
The inane idea of the WELLYWOOD signage first lumbered forth from Wellington Airport. It even got resource consent from the city council. And ‘Wing Commander’ Prendergast seems to have given her “clear to take off” to it. In the grey past, that would have been enough to send it barnstorming over the heads of the helpless, moaning masses. Luckily, today, there is a new generation that’s not afraid to open their gobs and question such rum idiocy. So much so, that Wellington Airport’s chief executive Steve Fitzgerald has now asked, before proceeding further, to hear any “alternative” ideas people might have. Yeah, well, I got two alternative ideas: don’t stick up the word WELLYWOOD, and don’t stick up a sign, period. For most Kiwis, the word “Hollywood!” is something smart-arses hoot out when an opposing rugby player is lying injured on the ground. Apart from that, all you can say is it (and any clone based on it) is American and belongs to America. The other thing is the suburb already has a beautiful Spanish name, Miramar (“magnificent sea”), given it by early settler Jim Crawford.
Charming enough, I would have thought, although some locals call it “02” as an insider’s joke (after the bus route), and taxi drivers traditionally coded it the “Far East”. Perhaps trying to demonstrate what a consultative and open-minded ideas-broker he is, Mr Fitzgerald stipulates new proposals must be for a “sign”, and say “Wellington”, “film” and “global”. And Jesus wept. If he is genuine in his comments, then we urgently need an even bigger, 10-metre-high sign in radioactive isotopes that says: “Open” and “your” and “mind”. Creative peoples have come up with some amazing branding over the last 30,000 years. Bison and horses dash across the Lascaux cave walls, Bronze Age horses adorn hillsides in England, the figure of Christ presides over Rio de Janeiro, and the statue of “Liberty” reigns in New York. And we come up with “Wellywood” in block letters... (cue despairing, convulsive, sobbing). Mr Fitzgerald, Wellington also belongs to the residents. And we have feelings. Please drop the sign.
Of what? Of any claim we ever had to being a centre of originality and creativity.
Wellington Airport wants to plonk the 3.5-metre-high letters on the front of that gorse-covered bank you have to drive past to get into Miramar. That bank has always been the most brain-dead bit of landscape in the lower North Island, admittedly, but to naively clone the hallowed signage of Tinseltown is the act of gormless, straw-chewing inbreds.
Not to mention cultural theft. Like everyone else round here, I’ve enjoyed the verbal joke of the term “Wellywood”. But that’s all it is. A joke. But turning it into a huge sign that everyone has to read, and poor old Miramartyrs will have to live behind, is no joke: it’s a farce. It’ll make the locals feel like trailer-trash extras in someone else’s film.
The inane idea of the WELLYWOOD signage first lumbered forth from Wellington Airport. It even got resource consent from the city council. And ‘Wing Commander’ Prendergast seems to have given her “clear to take off” to it. In the grey past, that would have been enough to send it barnstorming over the heads of the helpless, moaning masses. Luckily, today, there is a new generation that’s not afraid to open their gobs and question such rum idiocy. So much so, that Wellington Airport’s chief executive Steve Fitzgerald has now asked, before proceeding further, to hear any “alternative” ideas people might have. Yeah, well, I got two alternative ideas: don’t stick up the word WELLYWOOD, and don’t stick up a sign, period. For most Kiwis, the word “Hollywood!” is something smart-arses hoot out when an opposing rugby player is lying injured on the ground. Apart from that, all you can say is it (and any clone based on it) is American and belongs to America. The other thing is the suburb already has a beautiful Spanish name, Miramar (“magnificent sea”), given it by early settler Jim Crawford.
Charming enough, I would have thought, although some locals call it “02” as an insider’s joke (after the bus route), and taxi drivers traditionally coded it the “Far East”. Perhaps trying to demonstrate what a consultative and open-minded ideas-broker he is, Mr Fitzgerald stipulates new proposals must be for a “sign”, and say “Wellington”, “film” and “global”. And Jesus wept. If he is genuine in his comments, then we urgently need an even bigger, 10-metre-high sign in radioactive isotopes that says: “Open” and “your” and “mind”. Creative peoples have come up with some amazing branding over the last 30,000 years. Bison and horses dash across the Lascaux cave walls, Bronze Age horses adorn hillsides in England, the figure of Christ presides over Rio de Janeiro, and the statue of “Liberty” reigns in New York. And we come up with “Wellywood” in block letters... (cue despairing, convulsive, sobbing). Mr Fitzgerald, Wellington also belongs to the residents. And we have feelings. Please drop the sign.
