I’VE been trying to think of something to teach the students I bore senseless once a week and had decided for ease of presentation it was time to have a look at social media.  Being a regular facebooker, an irregular tweeter (@paddylewis) and a blogger (amongst others), I found myself trying to impart the usefulness of social media to a group for whom it is their only means of communication.
But then: inanity.  I happened upon the shocking news that Cory Jane, cleaning his ears, had lost a cotton bud and had to see a doctor to have it removed (twitter).  Piri Weepu was on a roadtrip to Gisborne (twitter), and Neemia Tialata was…well, I can hardly read txt, can I?  I’m 42!
All White Ben Sigmund (also a twit) “… just had breakfast with John key. I think he is a legend really down to earth”, which ensures any of his 383 followers who vote Labour won’t be happy, and Serena Williams was shocked that Paris has condom dispensers on the streets.
On the tennis theme, Roger Federer, in his usual robotic style, hasn’t quite sussed twitter out, but then neither has Pete Sampras.  Maybe it’s a guy/tennis thing.
Facebook is a wee bit more difficult, as most top sportspeople have to accept you as their “friend” before you can find out what they’re facebooking, but I did note that Highlanders fullback Israel Dagg likes Drinking With Mates, Road Trips (he should hook up with Piri) and Kings of Leon.  Sione ‘Wax’ Lauaki has 460 facebook friends (a whip round from all of them would pay his $4,000 fine from the NZRFU for assault), and Israel Dagg’s teammate Jason Shoemark has an interest in Cougars. 
Yes, those cougars.
Blogs get really interesting.  For the very top – the Federers, Woods, Williams sisters, and others in the stratosphere – it’s all clearly stage managed by their public affairs people. 
David Beckham’s latest blog post, for example, is juxtaposed against a picture of him with his shirt unbuttoned and his hand over his mouth, looking as if he’s going to vomit.  Not the best choice for a blog about England’s bid for the 2018 World Cup, perhaps.  But very arty.
Most blogs written for or by top sportspeople are generally vacuous.  Iain O’Brien, former Black Cap and Wellington fast bowler, is one of the few that are worth reading because he opens up and gives you information that you vicarious-living sods wouldn’t otherwise get.
The other information you find out from peering into other people’s online lives?  Dan Carter’s people can’t even operate a website. Aled de Malmanche had to borrow the All Blacks’ IT guy’s blazer for an after match dinner against England last year (what the hell is an IT geek doing getting an All Black blazer?)
Generally, however, it’s pretty damn inane.  Although it can be addictive.  I spent a bit of time waiting to see if Cory did a) go to the doctor or b) try and vacuum the cotton out of his ear (my bet), or c) tweet Piri or Neemia to bring the pliers over.
I used to like it when players were kind of aloof and had an air of mystery.  And the big names still have it (despite Serena’s mum clearly having embarrassing access rights to her twitter account).  They know how to use social media to maintain their ‘connection’ with the proletariat. 
Our All Blacks just need to be educated on how to set up two accounts…or is New Zealand too small for twits to hide?