A bid by Auckland Mayor John Banks for the 2020 Olympics will be funded by a one-off payment of $28,571.67 for every man, woman, and child in the Auckland region, some genius announced today.
“Of course we can’t ask people to put up this money without some kind of incentive,” the Genius said, “So we’re offering them preferential ticket bookings for major sports, like synchronized swimming, the volleyball preliminaries, and dressage.  They’ll get the best seats and at least 10% off the ticket price if they book early.”
Not to be outdone, the Wellington City Council has announced a bid for the Football World Cup in 2022.
“It will only cost Greater Wellington residents $14,583.22 each, payable in installments over two years,” a Bigger Genius announced.  “The World Cup bid, if successful, is much more cost-effective than the Olympics, and all games can be played at the Cake Tin if we stretch the tournament out to three months.”
In associated news, house prices in Christchurch, Hamilton, and even Invercargill shot through the roof (‘scuse the pun) as JAFAs and Wellingtonians moved to places more grounded in reality….
I know Banks is a bit of a loon, but this really takes the $40 billion biscuit (laced with downers, one hopes).
New Zealand is struggling to get its shit together to host a Rugby World Cup, and the Commonwealth Games is a bridge too far now as well.  So why would Banks even mention the 2020 Olympics?
Because he knew he’d get a headline, that’s why.  He knew details of his own spending at the Council were being released, and so he had to come up with something audacious to try and knock it off the front page (it’s PR 101).
Perhaps instead of another attempt at spending other people’s money, he could have done something useful.  Like shut up.  Or concentrate of running the Council efficiently.
Hang on Wellington council…don’t you run away just yet either.
The $1 million of ratepayers’ money being poured into the Wharewaka so it can be the centre of “a rugby village” in 2011 ignores two salient points.
Firstly, rugby fans go to rugby Tests to get pissed, watch rugby, then get pissed again.  The closest they get to cultural activities is having a chunder outside Te Papa.
Secondly, after having a chat to my cultural advisor, I’m informed that a Wharewaka would have the same rules as a wharenui – i.e. no alcohol.  So is the rugby village going to be dry?  Kind of defeats the purpose of the first point above.
Wellington already has a rugby village for the visitors.  It’s called Courtenay Place. So just come clean and tell the truth about the Wharewaka.  You stumped up another $200,000 because they were short.
Don’t even start me on the $350,000 statue for the waterfront.  As one on-line commentator noted, it looks like a zit being squeezed – with a rugby player popping out.  
Still, when it’s not your money, who cares - right?  You know you can get away with it because we’re so apathetic about local body politics most of you will be re-elected by the sheeple.  Arrrgh.
As for Banks, he might be better just focusing on winning the Special Olympics (NZ-version) for Auckland, especially given that it will be a hell of a lot cheaper to run, there’s a lot more goodwill involved, and it might just turn a profit.