“WHAT?” thundered Dunedin Mayor Peter Chin.  “We’re spending $200 ****ing million to build a concrete box with a ****ing plastic roof and nothing else?”
“The grass.  We’re paying for grass.  We’ll have grass…” said Dunedin Venues Management Ltd (DVML) chief executive David Davies.
“And lots of steel bits in the roof,” said Carisbrook Stadium Trust chair Malcolm Farry.
“NO ****ing kitchen facilities!  NO ****ing big screens!  NO scoreboards!  NO ****ing turnstiles!  How the **** are we going to run anything at the Stadium?”
“Put big bits of string across the gateways?”
“BYO sandwiches?”
“Develop less dependence on TV replays?”
Yes folks, in the land that good sense deserted – Dunedin – the brand new Forsyth Barr Stadium has been priced without kitchen facilities, big screens, scoreboards, turnstiles, and whoops, broadcasting facilities.
The stunning thing about all of this is that it comes on the back of news recently that the entire West Stand is without one toilet.  It will cost about a million to include some, but then there might not be space as the concrete is already up for the stand.
The latest FUBAR over the basic facilities that everyone expects in a $200 million brand new stadium will cost “seven figures” according to reports.
Again, with stunning arrogance, the chair of the ground Trust, Mr Farry was asked if applying for any funding from trusts or other providers would mean other organisations could miss out. That included the Otago Youth Wellness Trust (he’s the chairman.  They deal with issues around truant kids.).
“That’s the way life is, I suppose,” he said with the insouciance bred from always getting one’s way, no matter the consequences.
What planet is this guy on?  Planet Malcolm, where all have to bend to his will.  
There is a purpose-built, multi-use Stadium in Wellington that should serve as a template to all Stadium developments in Godzone.  Toilets? Check.  Food areas? Check.  Big screen and scoreboard? Check. Turnstiles? Check.
Did the morons involved with designing and building the Dunedin white elephant even look at other Stadiums?  How on earth did the Rugby World Cup organising committee ever sign this off?  It’s clear the Dunedin City Council didn’t take a good look at the plans.
We are turning from a country of “can-do’s” into a country of Homer Simpson ‘”can’Doh!”.  This monumental cockup and blatant attack on the public purse (i.e. ratepayers’ money) should be the cause of heads rolling en masse.
It won’t.  Why? Because this week the council started decommissioning Carisbrook.  
Even worse, this whole debacle has been known since the Stadium build was peer-reviewed in 2008.
Mr Davies confounded logic with this statement; “What we’re seeking to achieve is a level of service that will coax every last cent out of the customer, because the experience is a good one,” followed by this; “The budget will never allow a Rolls-Royce. Anyone [who expected that] missed the cause and effect of the budget.”
The long-suffering Dunedin ratepayers might not have expected a Rolls-Royce, but I’m sure they would have expected something that was fully operational for $200 million.
The duplicity, arrogance, and clumsiness of the people involved is mind-blowing.  Wonder if they will get it finished on time after this performance?
It was my 10th wedding anniversary last week.  That, and this column, are the only things I’ve either a) stuck at for longer than five minutes, or b) really enjoyed doing.  And Mrs Lewis is an exceptional proof reader and spotter of completely outrageous comments. OK, she ignores those.  Cheers luv. X.
P.S. No column next week.  I’m away in France.  Jealous?