Who’s been a good sport, then
Paddy Lewis
YOU better watch out (All Blacks), you better not cry (Black Caps), you better not pout (any English Premier League manager), I’m telling you why – the annual Capital Times sporting year in review is coming to town (apologies to Barry Manilow).
Everyone else does the old Athlete of the Year, Team of the Year, and so on and so forth. I’ll come to those in due course, but first…
AWARD FOR BEST ATTEMPT TO SWEEP IT UNDER THE CARPET: New Zealand Cricket. Humiliated by Bangladesh? Set up a committee. Indian tour? Set up another committee. Involve Martin Crowe so he’ll be forced by collective responsibility to stop saying we’re a pack of [deleted for not meeting the good taste rule]. Beaten like bad dogs? Have a meeting. A bottle of Pimms is winging its way to Christchurch to help NZC’s board with these lofty decisions.
AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMATIC ROLE: Steve “Colonel Jessep” Hansen in A Few Good Journalists. “Are you guys patriots? I need patriots, not people who are going to take photos of our playbook for the Aussie newspapers. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” On ya, Steve. Bottle of tomato sauce on its way to you for your pies.
AWARD FOR MOST UNDERRATED EVENT OF THE YEAR: Finally, Rowing NZ shows every other Kiwi sport how to organize an international event. Never mind we won lots of medals, the event itself was a highlight of my domestic sports year. We showed we could do it and do it well. As we should.
AWARD FOR TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM: The New Zealand Rugby Union. He might be great, but dropping one’s trousers and assuming the position every time Sonny Bill Williams wants something (boxing matches, skiing holidays, etc) is becoming pathetic. Man up and just tell the truth. You have no one else at his level in that position. With all due respect to Mr Nonu, he ain’t SBW.
AWARD FOR HARDEST BASTARD: I was leaning to Richie McCaw, who has to be up there, playing 1093 minutes of test rugby this year out of a possible 1120. But my wife told me the NZRU can get jumped on. So I went for my second choice. Choices, actually. Benji Marshall is a freak. An incredibly strong, resilient, and gifted World League Player of the Year-winning freak. Eric Murray and Hamish Bond, gold winners in the pair at the world rowing champs, finish my top equal with La Benji. They look like they eat broken glass for breakfast and their performance was based on superhuman fitness and never giving up.
AWARD FOR HARDEST BASTARD (FEMALE): Katie Glynn. I know all the Black Sticks put themselves in harm’s way every time they play hockey, but Glynn went above and beyond in the 5-1 thumping of England at Delhi. A young woman with no fear and a bloody strong will to score goals.
WATCH ME: Thomas Abercrombie, currently of the Breakers but this year’s standout in the Waikato Pistons. This kid (OK, he’s 23, but I’m much older) is incredibly gifted and a technically perfect shooter. He might not break into the NBA, but watch him for a) lessons on how basketball should be played and b) because he is going to be playing for the Tall Blacks for a long, long time.
Righto, now the fast run to the end. Team of the Year? Kiwis. Well done Steve Kearney. Sportsperson of the Year? Alison Shanks. World record, Games gold, world titles galore….no question.
Enjoy your break, and I look forward to queering the pitch again in 2011…
Everyone else does the old Athlete of the Year, Team of the Year, and so on and so forth. I’ll come to those in due course, but first…
AWARD FOR BEST ATTEMPT TO SWEEP IT UNDER THE CARPET: New Zealand Cricket. Humiliated by Bangladesh? Set up a committee. Indian tour? Set up another committee. Involve Martin Crowe so he’ll be forced by collective responsibility to stop saying we’re a pack of [deleted for not meeting the good taste rule]. Beaten like bad dogs? Have a meeting. A bottle of Pimms is winging its way to Christchurch to help NZC’s board with these lofty decisions.
AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMATIC ROLE: Steve “Colonel Jessep” Hansen in A Few Good Journalists. “Are you guys patriots? I need patriots, not people who are going to take photos of our playbook for the Aussie newspapers. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” On ya, Steve. Bottle of tomato sauce on its way to you for your pies.
AWARD FOR MOST UNDERRATED EVENT OF THE YEAR: Finally, Rowing NZ shows every other Kiwi sport how to organize an international event. Never mind we won lots of medals, the event itself was a highlight of my domestic sports year. We showed we could do it and do it well. As we should.
AWARD FOR TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM: The New Zealand Rugby Union. He might be great, but dropping one’s trousers and assuming the position every time Sonny Bill Williams wants something (boxing matches, skiing holidays, etc) is becoming pathetic. Man up and just tell the truth. You have no one else at his level in that position. With all due respect to Mr Nonu, he ain’t SBW.
AWARD FOR HARDEST BASTARD: I was leaning to Richie McCaw, who has to be up there, playing 1093 minutes of test rugby this year out of a possible 1120. But my wife told me the NZRU can get jumped on. So I went for my second choice. Choices, actually. Benji Marshall is a freak. An incredibly strong, resilient, and gifted World League Player of the Year-winning freak. Eric Murray and Hamish Bond, gold winners in the pair at the world rowing champs, finish my top equal with La Benji. They look like they eat broken glass for breakfast and their performance was based on superhuman fitness and never giving up.
AWARD FOR HARDEST BASTARD (FEMALE): Katie Glynn. I know all the Black Sticks put themselves in harm’s way every time they play hockey, but Glynn went above and beyond in the 5-1 thumping of England at Delhi. A young woman with no fear and a bloody strong will to score goals.
WATCH ME: Thomas Abercrombie, currently of the Breakers but this year’s standout in the Waikato Pistons. This kid (OK, he’s 23, but I’m much older) is incredibly gifted and a technically perfect shooter. He might not break into the NBA, but watch him for a) lessons on how basketball should be played and b) because he is going to be playing for the Tall Blacks for a long, long time.
Righto, now the fast run to the end. Team of the Year? Kiwis. Well done Steve Kearney. Sportsperson of the Year? Alison Shanks. World record, Games gold, world titles galore….no question.
Enjoy your break, and I look forward to queering the pitch again in 2011…
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