Tongue in chic
Jordan knows race day is the perfect environment for a show pony.
- Don’t wear spandex, darling. It’s much too hot.
- Don’t wear a wide-brimmed hat. You’ll make it much more difficult for the photographer to capture your best angle.
- Don’t wear black. Are you going to a funeral? Are you a waitress? Is it Halloween? Are you going to the office on Lambton Quay? Or are you heading out for a day of sunshine, fun, flirtation and frivolous gambling?
- Don’t take a small handbag or clutch. How will you sneak in your bottle of Lindauer? Or take your winnings home?
- Don’t wear a fascinator unless you need to distract from your face.
- Don’t wear “nude” unless you look good nude. Opted for by those chasing sophistication, the result can look more cream puff than crème brûlée. The character ‘Clairee’ in 1989 Julia Roberts’ film Steel Magnolias said it best – speaking of another character’s oversized rump clad in nude, “ It looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket.”
- Don’t wear sequins, tulle or overly shiny fabric. Sophia Loren said, “A woman’s dress should be like a barbed- wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.”
Christian Dior said, “Zest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.” Perhaps dress in shades of orange, lime or lemon?
Oscar Wilde said: “One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.” Looks like you’ve found a fabulous new use for the McCahon in the hallway.
And Bill Blass said: “When in doubt, wear red.” That one’s pretty self evident.
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