Is there a paddle anywhere in this creek?
Martin Doyle
The good thing about banging your head against a brick wall is it feels soooo good when you stop.
Why can’t life be that straight-forward? We’ve all been impacted in different ways by the recent events in Christchurch, Japan and the Barbary Coast. No one saw them coming and there was nothing anyone could do to stop them. That can’t, however, be said of the mind-numbing acts of idiocy our political leaders keep coming up with. The calls are wrong, the focus is wrong, everything’s wrong.
In basic terms, Christchurch is existing in a state of emergency at the moment. Wellington people, to give us credit, have done all manner of things to lend a hand. The Minister of Finance, Bill English, stated recently that lots of ‘nice to do’ big projects may need to be shelved while Christchurch gets sorted out. I think we’d all agree with that. After all, thousands of households down there only have long-drops and chemical toilets after the earthquake. We must live within our means and any spare money should go to these quake-affected people.
I had been thinking the Council’s recent decision to spend nearly half a million dollars on the Crayfish Crapper down on the waterfront would have been impossible to beat for being utterly (and I mean utterly) out of sync with these realities. But I was wrong to be thinking that: I had forgotten what Auckland is capable of. They never disappoint. Yes, I’m talking about the good ol’ Plastic Waka for Auckland’s Party Central. I still can’t believe it [Please, tell me it’s a bad dream]. But it gets worse. They’re getting two million dollars for it. And in typical style, no one has been able to convincingly explain why.
News of the Plastic Waka had a bad effect on me. After I stopped banging my head on the table, and wiped the tears from my eyes, I tried to think positively... “Well, at least they’ve GOT a waka!” I blurted out, a tad spitefully. I was thinking of how Wellington doesn’t have EITHER of the canoes it paid for.
And then a great idea came to me. Think about it: Auckland is to get a two-million-dollar Plastic Waka but has nowhere to store it after the RWC. On the other hand, Wellington has an eleven-million-dollar Wharewaka but no waka to put in it. Surely we could cut a deal (with a machete, if necessary) with Auckland i.e. once the Plastic Waka has completed its tour of duty in Brotheltown, why not bring it to Wellington and we’ll put it up here in our empty Wharewaka?
The Waka could have a neon light on the front saying “SS Wellywaka” and it could ferry big-spending cinephiles over to the Miramar wharf where they could pose for photos under the “WELLYWOOD” sign before visiting the Weta Workshop to see their favourite hobbits.
There’d be something authentically ‘New Zealand’ about that.
Why can’t life be that straight-forward? We’ve all been impacted in different ways by the recent events in Christchurch, Japan and the Barbary Coast. No one saw them coming and there was nothing anyone could do to stop them. That can’t, however, be said of the mind-numbing acts of idiocy our political leaders keep coming up with. The calls are wrong, the focus is wrong, everything’s wrong.
In basic terms, Christchurch is existing in a state of emergency at the moment. Wellington people, to give us credit, have done all manner of things to lend a hand. The Minister of Finance, Bill English, stated recently that lots of ‘nice to do’ big projects may need to be shelved while Christchurch gets sorted out. I think we’d all agree with that. After all, thousands of households down there only have long-drops and chemical toilets after the earthquake. We must live within our means and any spare money should go to these quake-affected people.
I had been thinking the Council’s recent decision to spend nearly half a million dollars on the Crayfish Crapper down on the waterfront would have been impossible to beat for being utterly (and I mean utterly) out of sync with these realities. But I was wrong to be thinking that: I had forgotten what Auckland is capable of. They never disappoint. Yes, I’m talking about the good ol’ Plastic Waka for Auckland’s Party Central. I still can’t believe it [Please, tell me it’s a bad dream]. But it gets worse. They’re getting two million dollars for it. And in typical style, no one has been able to convincingly explain why.
News of the Plastic Waka had a bad effect on me. After I stopped banging my head on the table, and wiped the tears from my eyes, I tried to think positively... “Well, at least they’ve GOT a waka!” I blurted out, a tad spitefully. I was thinking of how Wellington doesn’t have EITHER of the canoes it paid for.
And then a great idea came to me. Think about it: Auckland is to get a two-million-dollar Plastic Waka but has nowhere to store it after the RWC. On the other hand, Wellington has an eleven-million-dollar Wharewaka but no waka to put in it. Surely we could cut a deal (with a machete, if necessary) with Auckland i.e. once the Plastic Waka has completed its tour of duty in Brotheltown, why not bring it to Wellington and we’ll put it up here in our empty Wharewaka?
The Waka could have a neon light on the front saying “SS Wellywaka” and it could ferry big-spending cinephiles over to the Miramar wharf where they could pose for photos under the “WELLYWOOD” sign before visiting the Weta Workshop to see their favourite hobbits.
There’d be something authentically ‘New Zealand’ about that.
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