I saw the most bizarre penalty incident on the BBC website last weekend.  Welsh Scarlets lock Lou Reed, playing against Ulster, ran at an opposition winger yelling “Arrrrghhhh!!!!” to try and put the winger off a clearing kick.
Reed was never going to get to the winger in time to stop the kick, so he was trying what limited methods he had at his disposal to gain an advantage. Enter stage left a pasty-faced midget touch judge who informed ref Peter Allan of what Reed had done.
Next, Ulster are awarded a penalty for ungentlemanly conduct.  Puhleese.
Law 10.4(m) of the rugby laws states: “A player must not do anything that is against the spirit of good sportsmanship in the playing enclosure.”
Wikipedia’s entry on sportsmanship notes that “…fair play refers to all participants having an equitable chance to pursue victory and acting toward others in an honest, straightforward, and a firm and dignified manner even when others do not play fairly. It includes respect for others including team members, opponents, and officials.”
I’m not exactly sure what the International Rugby Board’s interpretation is, but their own ‘Principles of the Game’ opens thus in referring to the game’s founder, William Webb Ellis:
“That the game should have its origins in an act of spirited defiance is somehow appropriate.”
Hmmm.  I’ll bet Lou Reed sees the humour in that. I recall playing for the Old Boys-University Teddybears at the delightfully hostile surrounds of Delaney Park. I chased a kick back, picked it up, and set off upfield, all the while hearing someone from the opposition running behind me screaming, “I’m gonna ****ing kill ya!”
We didn’t get a penalty for that, but it’s fair to say the ref probably had self-preservation concerns of his own.
Imposing the sky-high standards Reed has to deal with on rugby is fraught with disaster. For instance, there is no list that I can find of examples of good sportsmanship for referees to use. This objective application of rule 10 leaves a wide-open interpretation.
For example, who should be penalized when one hooker says “you guys are shit” to an opposing front row prior to engagement, only to have one of the opposing props reply with “piss off, you poof.” That’s not good sportsmanship. Is it?
Likewise, when waiting for a penalty shot to be taken, shouldn’t the opposition team be penalized further when one of their players, within earshot of the kicker, says loudly, “he can’t kick this, he’s rubbish”?
Let’s face it, trying to impose fair play in a sport which allows application of shoulder to ribs at high speed is a bit like handing out medals for Best Vegetarian Tiger. Graham Henry won an international fair play award because he didn’t immediately give a bollocking to Wayne Barnes after the 2007 World Cup loss. Sportsmanship is really just a bit like winning a consolation prize for most tolerant loser.
I’m not in any way saying that there isn’t a place for helping an opponent up off the ground after you have snapped them in two in a tackle, or for being magnanimous in a crushing victory, or even putting your hand up and saying “I eye-gouged him. It was me”, but applying rule 10.4(m) as Mr. Allan did takes rugby nonsense to a whole new level.
I, for one, look forward to the 2011 World Cup final being decided after extra time on the quality of sportsmanship displayed. Perhaps Peter Allan could be a judge.
PS Good luck Phoenix – just win early this week. My heart can’t take many more extra time games…